What I Have Learned About Love and Relationships

garrickbeachI have been dating my fiance since I was 16 years old. We were together for two years when he asked me to marry him on a warm June day. Now, we have been engaged for another wonderful year and plan to get married next summer. God has blessed me with an amazing fiance and a great relationship! We have been through highs and lows and everything in between, and God never stops amazing me by what He has done in our relationship.

These past three years has taught me a lot. God has taught us both a lot through circumstances and each other. I’ve learned so much about love and relationships, and I wanted to share with you, my awesome readers. Some of these are the most important things that I have ever learned.

LoR2

If you are single, dating, or married, take these to heart. If you have anything to add or ask, I’d love to hear it in the comments! So let’s get started with our discussion:

You can’t change the other person.

This is one of those things that I thought I knew from the beginning, but I sadly knew very little about this. You can’t change anyone besides yourself. There were so any times when I thought to myself “Why hasn’t he learned by now?” when really he wasn’t learning because it wasn’t my job to teach him! My fiance has done the same thing with me as well. We have learned that the things that annoy us or bother us never truly go away by human effort. They can only be changed when given to God.

Not to say that God is going to change what you want Him to change. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go of trying to change or “teach” the other person and let God do His thing in Hi s own time. God is going to have His way through the other person, and that doesn’t always match what you want. But what God does in your relationship is far better than anything you can do yourself.

You can inspire and influence.

Even though your own effort can not change anything, you can inspire and influence the other person more than you can ever imagine. The times my fiance has inspired me the most is when he is walking with the Lord and not trying to do anything with me but what the Lord tells him to do. The same goes for me. When I stop trying to control and get what I want and just pray to God and ask what He wants is when I help my fiance the most. All in all, you the impact you make on your partner’s life is more than you can imagine- if you have your eyes on God.

You can’t depend on them for emotional health.

A mistake I make time and time again is bringing my problems to my fiance. Whenever I can’t do it on my own, I go to him. And sometimes it is good. However, more often it works out to be bad. Why? Because my fiance doesn’t know everything! Too often he brings my problems as his own then tires himself out with a weight he should have never carried. It just would have been simpler is I took my problems to God instead, then my problems would have been settled right the first time and our relationship would have never suffered.

I have also learned that when my fiance goes through times of trouble, I can’t take it too hard. Sometimes, there is nothing I can really do, and I can’t beat myself up over that. I am not suppose to be my fiance’s rock, God is. There are days I need to stop blaming myself or my actions and just pray, because that is the best thing you can do.

You can help them get to an place where they can be helped.

When my fiance is going through something hard, it is my job to direct him to Christ. When the anger and stress is buzzing in his head, I can be the only voice that breaks through and reminds him of God. I know the best thing my fiance can do when I am stressed and crazy is stop me and lead me in prayer. What God does in those moments is far more than anything my fiance could ever do. It is our responsibility as partners to help the one another in our walks with Christ.

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

10 If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

~Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

What has God taught you?

What has God shown you in your walk with one another? Please leave it below in the comments so we can chat!

God bless!

~lillian ❤

You might also like:

1. Tips for Keeping God in the Center of Your Relationship

2. Don’t Play With Fire- Teen Dating

3. 4 Reasons That I Am (Apparently) Crazy

4. How to Make Others Feel Loved

Tips For a More Exciting Personal Time with Jesus

exciting personal timeI once heard it said that our personal time with God should be the most exciting thing in our lives. That can be hard to believe! How  can being cook-ed up in a room with an invisible God be anything close to thrilling?

I’ve been exploring this idea and wanting to add something special to my time with God. When you really think about it, our personal time with God is often taken for granted. We are talking to the Creator of all things, who incredibly loves us more than we could ever deserve, and He has the power to shape us into people we never thought we could be, and He can lead us to do more than we could ever imagine. Why is that not so exciting?

I won’t say my personal time is the most breathtaking part of my day. But these tips have helped me have a more exciting time with Jesus.

1. Invest more in worship.

Sometimes, we can think just reading our Bibles and saying a quick prayer is enough for a devotional. But when the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, the first thing He did was worship God! And what is usually the first thing we do in church? Worship! Add worship to your daily time with God. Play some music. Move around if that’s your nature. Shout praises to God! Thank Him for everything He is and everything He has done. Don’t just ask Him to teach you, praise him!

2. Invest more in listening.

We often get so caught up in prayer and asking for answers when we forget to stop talking and listen! It can be hard, and it feels quite strange to sit in silence waiting. But God rewards us when we wait on Him, and he answers us every time! We need to be like Elijah, and listen for that still small voice. Waiting on the Lord allows Him to speak and move, giving us answers, peace, comfort, and love. We need to be still in listen. 

3. Invest more in application.

One of Jesus’ most frequent teachings is not only listening but doing what God’s Word says. Jesus said in Luke 11:28:

“Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

Take some time after each devotional and write down what God is teaching you. Put it somewhere you can see it, and review it at the end of each day for a week to keep yourself accountable of doing the Word of God. And one day, you will see your old notes and praise God for helping you grow!

Doing these three things have helped me experience God more. I pray that these have helped you!

What are your tips for a more exciting time with Jesus? What do you do in your personal time?

Related Posts:

  1. Learning to Listen
  2. A Secret Place
  3. Being Busy but Wanting to Go Deeper with God- How I Do It
  4. 5 Things I Learned the Past 4 Months at Bible College

A Letter to 16 Year Old Me (In less than 100 words)

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Me when I was 16 years old.

Me when I was 16 years old.

In only 100 words, I want to tell you the best advice I can give you. I’ve learned a lot in the past 3 years. Please consider all these things.

Love your youth. Make everyday an adventure.

Pray more. Don’t be anxious or afraid.

Don’t let your fire go out. Don’t stop being passionate.

Reach out more. Focus on others. Love and love and love.

Don’t beat yourself up. There is no condemnation.

And absolutely most of all, learn to love change. Because it’s coming, and there is no stopping it.

With love and God bless,

Lillian ❤

Write a letter to your 16 year old self in less than 100 words! Post it and let me know. 

5 Things I Learned the Past 4 Months at Bible College

Me squished in the back seat with all my stuff on move-in day.

Me squished in the back seat with all my stuff on move-in day.

I will post more on these things later. I just want to get these things out and explain them more when I have a clearer mind.

1. Communication is not just essential for love relationships- but for every relationship as well. 

From learning to communicate with new friends to disputes with roomates, I’ve learned that in order to get things done and to achieve what you need, you need to communicate. Gossip, hinting, and nagging is not going to get anyone anywhere.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. ~Matthew 5:23 NIV

2. Being engaged is… weird. 

I’ve been engaged to my best friend for 6 months (oh, goodness, has it really been that long?!). And it’s odd… not with my fiance but with others. Suddenly you are the go to gal for relationship advice, even if you are only 18. Simultaneously, people start chucking advice at you. And if you mention that you are waiting till after college to actually get married, you are automatically insane.

3. Life gets harder, and easier. 

I really enjoy living in the dorms. It’s quiet, I never have to wait for the bathroom, and all my friends are a floor away. I never have to watch children and I can be alone whenever I want.

But the enemy is very angry once you get to Bible College. And he’s gonna pull out all the stops to try to get you to leave.

On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased. ~Psalm 138:3 ESV

4. Being Transparent is Important

I have always been told showing emotions and sharing struggles is a sign of weakness. But suffering alone is not be an option. God doesn’t want us to bottle everything up, He wants us to live freely. And living freely doesn’t include wearing a mask or hiding skeletons in the closet.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. ~James 5:16

5. And most of all… God’s not finished with me yet.

I have a lot of struggles. I am still learning who I am. My life is complete changing. But you know what, that’s okay. Because I serve a God who is never surprised and never stops.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6

Comment your thoughts and remind me to explain further! Thank you for reading!

God bless

Lillian ❤

Tips for Keeping God in the Center of Your Relationship

In the theme of valentine’s day, I wanted to write a post for my fellow teens. Today there will be many teens today going out of dates with their valentines, hopefully looking for love. Many Christian teen couples often hear advice to “keep Christ in the center” of their relationship. Well, I find that often teens don’t know what that means! Today I want to shed some light on this subject for other teen couples.

I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for almost 2 years now with the man of my dreams. Don’t get me wrong though, we’ve definitely had our ups and downs. It can be a real hard struggle, but God gets us through it every time. Time and time again i find that if God’s not our main focus, hell breaks loose. So, here I will sharing tips that I find help keep Jesus in the middle and help keep a Godly relationship:

1. Pray Together

As a Christian, I have found that a lot of things start with prayer. A Godly relationship is no exception. When couples pray together, it builds their roots in Christ so they can depend on Him. What should couples pray to God about? Everything! Praise God for each other, ask God for freedom from temptation, go to God for relationship advice, and pray for one another’s personal problems. My dates with my boyfriend always went better when we prayed together before we did anything else.

2. Never Skip Church to Hang Out

Trust me, you may be burning for personal time, but church will benefit your relationship so much more. Couples should go to church together, but it’s okay if you go to separate churches if you both make sure to go. It always builds the spiritual bond between a boy and girl and helps them look towards God. But don’t just go to church- worship God and listen to the sermon. God is always looking to teach us something new to help us in our lives- this includes our relationships!

3. Follow God’s Word

And I mean all of it! Never think that you are an exception to God’s Law. The Bible has many rules for relationships to help them, protect them, and make them stronger. Some examples are:

  • Don’t have sex outside of marriage (1 Thes 4:3-5, 1 Cor 6:18)
  • Don’t have relationships with non-Christians (2 Cor 6:14)
  • Don’t have a relationship before you are ready (SoS 2:7)

There’s more as well. Couples should read the Bible together and discover what God wants to teach them.

4. Talk About Spiritual Matters

I have found that teens can be timid when it comes to talking about their spiritual matters with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It can be hard to open up about something to personal, especially when things are hard to explain and you’re not sure if they will understand. But it is so important if you are having a serious Godly relationship. God may be working a great work in you and if you don’t discuss it with your boyfriend/girlfriend, they might not understand why you are acting so differently. If God gives you a word for your relationship, don’t assume you can just work it in to your relationship without telling the other what God has said. Make sure you share with them what God is doing inside of you!

If you are a teen reading this, please follow my blog (through wordpress or email or just bookmark me) and comment if you have any topics or questions you would like me to blog about. I would love to hear what you think!

Happy Valentine’s Day, and God bless!!

Similar Posts: